Okay, now that you've had time to reread that a dozen times to make sure that you saw that correctly, followed by a puzzled look on your face, followed by hours spent ensuring this isn't a Melnyk burner account (I fully expect you to do that, if I am spending time writing for you, you sure as hell better be putting in the same effort on your end, welcome to the big leagues kid, keep your head up) I will now go into more detail on what in the name of all that is holy I just said. Now, you're probably wondering, "Hey doofus, the Sens went to the Cup Finals in 2007, everyone was happy! Are you going to tell me you don't like fun? This blog sucks, I'm leaving." Well first of all, I've rigged the close button with explosives, you are captive here, there is no escaping until you get to the end, buckle up baby, this is about to get fun. Secondly, when the Ottawa Senators got throat-stomped by the Anaheim Ducks in the massacre of ought-7, I was still convinced that Elmo was talking directly to me (I now realize that that is foolish, Count von Count is the only Muppet with the commitment to talk to each kid directly) and the most excited I was about hockey was the new air hockey table we got which I mostly used to play with Pokémon figurines with my brother. So I'd say you owe me an apology, go ahead I can wait.
Apology not accepted, but we can keep going anyways because I'm told it's "not good for business to be so openly hostile to your clientele" and that "this is borderline abuse and you could wind up in prison." Stupid lawyers ruining my fun. Other examples of exciting Sens hockey since then include the Hamburglar run in 2014 and of course, the run to game 7 of the conference final against the Pittsburgh Penguins, approximately 72 billion years ago. Sure, both of those moments were fun, but we all knew it wasn't sustainable, plus, they both ended in heartbreak which shouldn't impact how anyone felt at the time but this is my blog and despite my legal council I still hold all of you in contempt so I'll write what I damn well please thank you very much.
We're not going to get into what has happened since the last post that appeared on this website because that would take at the very least an edition of the Encyclopedia Britannia and I'm not doing that. Some people (fools) will try and spin this as me being lazy, but nothing could be further from the truth. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was something like, what, two word? That sounds right, "No Slaves" that was it. Now, I know what you're thinking? Did this guy just anoint himself the Abraham Lincoln of Sens blogging in his 10th post and first in almost a year? Yes. Lincoln also got shot at a play so do with that information what you will but I am most certainly Lincoln in the Sens blogging world (For the record, bRian5or6 is Andrew Jackson and SensChirp is Millard Fillmore). So, in the spirit of Lincoln I will give my Gettysburg Address:
"Very Bad"
There, now we're all caught up. The team is screwed and everything sucks. Now, some of you are probably wondering when I'm going to get to my point and explain why I've dragged you all here today, to which I respond: Shut up, I'm under a lot of stress, I'm about to be assassinated for Christ's sake! But my point is simple, I get excited watching this team play. Am I concerned that this team is poorly structured? Yes. Am I worried that the coaching staff has lost the players? Yes. Do I live everyday in fear knowing that one day in the near future Craig will tweet out the lineup and it will just be Tom Pyatt's name 20 times? You best believe I do. And most of all, I am concerned that we will lose our star players for nothing, or very little. For such a scenario I propose a strategy for dealing with the four cases we might see before this season is done:
- Chris Wideman: We all politely post tributes to his time with the team before we realize that he's gone from being incredibly underrated to perhaps a tad overrated and Christian Jaros slides into his spot fairly seamlessly.
- Ryan Dzingel: We mourn the departure of the team's Goodest Boi and unbiasedly analyze the return (trade) of the price required to have kept him (free agency). I will be unconsolably scooping my homemade Ruffles All-Dressed Chips Ice Cream out of the jar but this is for PERSONAL REASONS THAT ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
- Matt Duchene: We angrily call out the team for abandoning a core piece that could also serve as a mentor for the young players coming up through the system. Possible public demonstrations. A very aggressive resistance campaign.
- Mark Stone: The Purge
There, now we don't have to deal with the worst-case scenarios for the rest of this piece. Because this is a positive piece where everything is sunshine and rainbows, as you can no doubt tell by the writing style. This team is FUN. Also, they are young. Yes, Borowiecki and Co. are getting way too much ice time but seeing Colin White and Brady Tkachuk generate offence is so refreshing from sitting back and simply hoping Bobby Ryan scores before he breaks his finger again. Christian Jaros and Nick Paul are getting less time but have been effective when they do play and players like Drake Batherson and Filip Chalpik are tearing up the NHL. What's more - and I can't believe I'm writing this - but the return for the Karlsson trade is looking half decent! Tierney and DeMelo have been contributing nicely while Rudolfs Balcers and Josh Norris are looking real promising in the AHL and NCAA respectively. Those four players I mentioned might leave? They're still here! They could stay here! Filip Gustavsson gives us a promising future in goal and - oh yeah - HOTSAM BATCHO IS THE BEST! Not just best defenceman today, or even ever. Not just the best hockey player, athlete, or even all-around person. He is just THE best. You know it too, you're just in denial you cowards.
Yes, the healing process for the fanbase is not over and until Melnyk sells the team there is quite possibly no way to fix the trust issues between us and the ownership. Yes, I was almost numb to the controversial non-call on Anderson last night, because winning or losing doesn't really seem to matter for this team right now. And, of course, yes we don't have a first rounder this year because management is incompetent at best. But, we do have a genuinely lovable team. I really have no urge to support Melnyk by going to the games this year or for the next little while, but I do love this team, and I think deep down, no matter what, we all do. So let's not worry about the long-term future of this team or what could happen down the road, the best we can do now is to live in the present, and the present has Mark Stone and Hotsam Batcho, so, really, it's not so bad.
#MelnykOut
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